Stop Carrying What Isn’t Yours
I still remember the morning I opened the cupboard for coffee and found the sleeve empty. It sounds small, but in an instant, I was irritated, running a tally of all the invisible things I did that nobody seemed to notice.
By 9 a.m., I was already resentful.
Moments like that are more than bad moods. They’re energy drains, also known as the quiet costs of over-carrying, over-functioning, and people-pleasing.
Why We Say Yes When We Mean No
So many of us are wired to keep the peace. We smooth things over, say yes even when we’re stretched, and absorb other people’s feelings without thinking. It feels like empathy. It feels like safety. But underneath, it’s often fear: If I don’t carry this, will they still accept me? Will I still belong?
The truth is, that instinct to care for others comes at a cost. The calm exterior hides frustration, resentment, and exhaustion.
Emotional Labour You Don’t See
When I look at my own patterns, I notice how quickly I can become the emotional caretaker. In meetings, I’d pick up on moods no one was naming: the fear under optimistic words, the heaviness people were too polite to say out loud. At home, if someone said “I’m fine” but clearly wasn’t, I’d hold their unspoken feelings as if they were mine.
On the outside, it looked like empathy. Inside, it was depleting. Because when we carry what isn’t ours, we leave no space for our own needs.
What Balance Really Asks of Us
Balance isn’t only about adding more breaks to the diary or learning to say no. It’s about trusting that our needs matter too. It’s about learning to pause and ask: Is this mine to carry?
Sometimes that looks like noticing resentment before it builds. Sometimes it’s grounding work. Like letting your bare feet touch the floor, taking a breath that resets the system, and standing in your own hula hoop of energy that belongs to you and you alone.
The Invitation
If you’ve ever caught yourself filled with resentment, saying yes and regretting it, or walking into a room and immediately taking on everyone else’s mood, you’re not alone. The invitation isn’t to harden or stop caring. It’s to notice what drains you, and to gently return to what’s yours.
When you notice the pressure starting to build, ask yourself:
Where am I leaking energy by carrying what isn’t mine?
What’s one boundary I can set that honours my rhythm?
How can I say yes to myself first?
Balance doesn’t come from doing more. It comes from doing what’s truly yours.
If you’re noticing these patterns in your own life and want support finding a rhythm that truly works for you, I offer a complimentary Balance Breakthrough Call. It’s a space to pause, reflect, and explore what’s draining you and how to reclaim your energy.
Click here to book your call.
